Christmas Letter 2009

Dear Friends and Family,

Seasons greetings! This annual letter is close to the cutting room floor of my life but, my desire to catch up with those that I don’t speak to all year still wages war with the lack of time that I have now that I’m back at work. Yep, I am back to the 40 hour week grind. I am doing admin for a local real estate company that is full of wonderful people and is very flexible with my schedule. It has been a good step back into the workforce, and I am looking forward to taking a deeper plunge sometime soon. If the job market would help me out in the West Valley of Phoenix, that would be much appreciated! Scott is still with B&T, traveling and doing well in his division of Custom Library Services. Support your local library!
The kids have had a big year of transition this year when they took a leap of faith with me, and left our neighborhood school for a new Charter school. Makenna was not too happy about the uniform thing, but they are enjoying the school now and are learning so much! I am very proud of them for their courage to change!
Both are chugging right along with their sports as well. Makenna is less than a second away from a Far West time in which we would go to California and compete with girls from the Western US. She is also going to be gearing up soon to compete at the State level in March. Riley still does basketball and flag football in a neighborhood recreational league, but he has started swim as well. In his second meet he got within 4 seconds of a regional time! I think they are both half fish! There are so many things that we love about the swimming program that I don’t have time to list them all….but just know that the hard work and dedication they are showing is truly fun and amazing to watch!
We had a wonderful travel year exploring some national parks this summer: Sequoya, Kings Canyon and Yosemite. It was some of the most beautiful places I have ever seen, and we enjoyed every minute of exploring it with the kids. We rafted, hiked, and saw so much wild life that it almost seemed like another world. Indeed, I was depressed coming back to the desert in the heat of the summer after such grander. In the fall we took the kids back to their first TN Vol game in Knoxville, and it was amazing as the kids finally saw the sea of orange first hand! After touring the swim and football facilities, both put UT on their college list. This made Scott very proud, of course!
Our dogs Lucy and Kaydee are a continued joy in our lives. Although, around this time last year our oldest, Kaydee was diagnosed with a cancer on her leg. At 12 she is still hanging in there so the hugs and treats are a constant. She was a birthday gift to me when we lived in California and as many of you can contest, has been a constant companion. I just pray for knowledge of when the right time to say goodbye will be. Ah, pets!
Scott turned 40 this year and his mother’s very generous gift was a golf trip to Scotland. So, next summer we are planning our first Europe trip. I hope to hear from all of my friends that are expert international travelers to help plan the most memorable itinerary. I can’t believe we are finally making it happen...can’t wait!
We hope all of you are doing well this year! I sat looking at my Christmas tree this morning thinking that I can’t believe how fast the years are traveling by. Here’s to enjoying the small precious moments that make each year so special and giving thanks for the people like you that bring joy and love to our lives!
Love and Blessings to You,
The Crawford’s (Scott, Stephanie, Makenna, Riley, Kaydee, Lucy and too many fish to list)

Daring to Dream

Every once in awhile I do something that I'm proud of. Yep, I can admit it. These moments usually revolve around when I have stepped out of my shell and put action behind my thoughts. An example, you ask? My friend and I stumbled upon this book that was more than a book..it was a project of self discovery. It is called Style Statement by Carrie and Danielle and the premise is that you answer all of these questions about your likes and dislikes about everything you can imagine (fashion, food, rooms, patterns, what feels lovely, what makes you cringe). And then you come up with a "Style Statement" that is 80% your base personality and 20% your flare, in the hopes that this statement would help you make decisions on clothing, decorating, relationships, jobs, etc. with more confidence because you have done some homework on what really makes you tick. Then, you can fold it up into two little words that can fit in your pocket at all times:) I gave this book to 7 of my closest local friends and insisted that we take this journey together. Now, I may sound a little prideful when I say it, but the journey was indeed amazing and the times shared exploring each of our special qualities will be memories that I will cherish always. I am a 'Sacred Ease' by the way....with 'Genuine Ease as a close second. It was always Ease cause if it ain't easy, no thank you. '
Long story short, Carrie and Danielle went their separate ways as business partners (would love to get the skinny on how that went down) and below is an excerpt that I read today from Danielle's blog The White Hot Truth. It caught me because honest writing always strikes a chord in me, plus I love asking people deep questions...never thought of this one. So enjoy......

wonder what their dream is
Our dreams and desires define us. Be they broken, scarcely remembered, on the verge of reality, or in full bloom. They pilot our choices. Dreams have the power to shape the entire landscape of our lives. Because they tend to be so precious and potent, many people keep their dreams and aspirations to themselves.
A dream is a very sacred thing to share.
If you knew someone's dream, you might look at that person very differently…with more tenderness, more respect, more familiarity, and more wonder than before. Dream-sharing melts boundaries and it calls forth resources and commonalities.
Look at everyone you meet this week and actively think to yourself, “I wonder what their dream is?” Ask at least one person this week what their dream is. You can do it subtly, and traditionally, like, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” or “What did you want to be when you were growing up?” Or you can just go for it, playfully and momentously and ask, “So, like, what’s your big dream?” So many people never get asked that. And fewer are really listened to. And for those who are stumped by the question, I guarantee they'll be thinking about it for days to come. Just the asking of that question sets essential things in motion.
The guy in the cubicle next to you may be working on novel about unicorns and espionage. Your sister might be fantasizing about her own cabaret break out performance. Your postal carrier may be patenting the next great invention. Make no assumptions about your partner, your workmate, or the bus driver.
Small, mighty, seemingly impossible, or simply pure – when you know what someone’s dream is, your perspective leans toward openness. And every dream needs space to run.
Oh, my dream-stream...Inspire freedom seeking and engagement with life in a big big way for a long long time. That means my next book, White Hot Truth is a stunning success in every way possible, and I'm wearing suede boots and big gold hoops on stage and laughing "you-know-what-I'm sayin'-don'tchya?" laughs with thousands of people.
And I dream of Morocco and France and a koi pond in the back yard of my mod pre-fab house. Collecting art. Magazine coverage. I dream about communion with my man that blows both our minds. I dream of sitting 'round a fire with leaders and lovers of progress. Being able to give yeses and make phone calls that open doors and new dimensions for people.
I dream of children being taught mindfulness in school, and a movement of conscious birth choices and parenting, and technologies that heal. And I dream of invitations that humble me, and more magical connections with people who I recognize on a cellular level, and we band together to leverage change, and to support and care for each other in the way that reminds you how great it is to share space and time. And I dream of feeling more electric and sweet every single day.
But mostly, I dream of being amazed.
How 'bout you?

Mid life crisis

So, I feel like I am struggling a bit as of late. When I take a step back, I can certainly see why I am having a hard time. There is a lot of change and a lot of decisions swirling around my life and honestly, has been for a few years. It is hard for me though to take that step back and give myself the break when it is in my nature to find, ponder and fix. I had a friend tell me the other day that I am not a very content person. REALLY? Know me much? I can grab on to contentment a moment at a time, yes. I can loose myself in a wonderful song, a special moment with my family, a sunset, even relax for as long as a vacation lasts. But the critique always comes right back. I have been trying to make right decisions about where the kids go to school, what steps to make financially, how to loose weight, what to do with my job, what I can be doing better in my relationships....I'm exausted just writing this all out, much less living it. I think if I explore them via the blog maybe I can write out some clarity and peace.

Back to Work

I started this post back in May but didn't get a chance to finish it and then forgot about it.....

So tomorrow is the first day of a new job that requires 5 days a week for 40 hours. Did I mention that it is the first job in 8 years? Eight. Ocho. Friends and family ask me....are you excited? At first I said yes. Then I just started saying no. Honestly, it is too complicated to even describe. Is this the job that I've always dreamed about? No. But, it's a job that allows me to drop my kids off at school and pick them up when I am off. It's a job that allows me to keep the pulse of what is gonig on in their life. I can't even actually believe how I got here. I was the woman that planned to go right back to work after I had Makenna. The joke around the office was that when I had her on Saturday, they expected me to try to come back the next Monday. Hey, I loved work. It was the place where I received all the accolades and praise. How much praise do I get these days? Nada. So I shouldn't I be happy to be back? Sure! Kids.....I don't think I ever knew how much they truely get into your fiber of being. I was the woman that was all wrapped up in work and then became this servant to two little narcisistic people that half the time make me want to rip my head off. Yet.....I long to place their needs before mine. I feel this tearing of my being in which part of me wants to please myself....to have drive and work toward my hearts desire. The other part of me wants to give THAT idea back to the feminist part of me and soak them up every single day because the time is so short. In the end, I'm sure that I'll juggle and make whatever comes our way work. I'll start off now and will push forward until it doesn't work any more. Sooooo need to work on the black and white thinking!

My Christmas Letter

Greetings and happy holidays! We hope this finds you in good health and spirits! What would a year be without another move for the Crawford’s? Yep, we moved again, but this time we broke new ground by moving back into a house we previously lived in. We are still in the same neighborhood but in the house we originally built. I’ve decided that it is easier to move than it is to spring clean. I’m kidding.
Our family is well and enjoying some really fun times now that the kids are of optimal adventure age! This year we visited California, Tennessee, and Utah on vacations. We played tourist in Tennessee with Papa, Grandma and Mimi, while catching up with some friends, as well, in Knoxville and Charlotte. We went to Disney in June for Riley’s birthday and the ability to go all day long without a stroller or need of a nap was a huge bonus! Scott got a chance to mark off an item from his bucket list on this trip by attending the US Open in San Diego. Scott’s “best friend” Tiger won with a knee injury as you know, and we all enjoyed the breakdown of the match at dinner time for many nights! The kids and I were happy to oblige his adventure, as we played hard on the beach. Later in the fall, we went to Zion with Nanny and Marc. We hiked, and hiked some more, taking in all the breathtakingly gorgeous rock formations, views and wildlife. We had an all around fantastic time and look forward to broadening our enjoyment of hiking into a family passion. Add these trips to a few visits to Las Vegas, a trip to CA to see the Vols loose, some camping romps and weeks upon weeks of swim meets and we were a very busy group this year!
The kids are doing great! Makenna is still swimming and has made regional times in several races, although breast stroke is still her favorite. We will be attending regionals in February. She is fast in the water and rather pokey on land so we have nicknamed her “Turtle.” Riley has tried a few sports this year including basketball, flag football and baseball. He enjoys them all but sometimes gets a little excited. Every once in awhile, I will cringe as he runs over an opponent and occasionally close lines his own teammate. He says it’s an accident but I say it is embarrassing. Scott says not to admonish him because you can’t create enthusiasm; you have to already posses it. That’s fabulous, but now I have to practice my sympathetic look as I walk by the mother of the kid that was clobbered. Speaking of clobbered, we are finding that being so far from the south has not hindered our kid’s passion for the Tennessee Vols! Makenna will play Rocky Top on a continuous loop as she cleans her room; so many times that even a diehard fan would tap out. (Remember she’s pokey) Riley has Gator hatred at a very young age….they are very close to earning a trip back to Tennessee for a big UT game!
Scott is in his 13th year with Baker and Taylor. He has stayed very busy this year because libraries tend to be very popular in hard economic times. I became a substitute teacher for high school this fall and am getting an education about the teenagers of today. I ride a fine line between being cool enough to get their respect and not letting my mouth drop openly at their conversations and attitudes. It makes me wonder if convents could become en vogue again before my kiddos enter that phase. Oh well, the job ensures that I am home to help with homework and sports activities after school so that’s the most important to me right now. In the meantime, I’m also enjoying being open to anything new that comes my way.
We are still enjoying the pleasure of our dogs Lucy and Kaydee’s company. Kaydee is our elder golden retriever and turned 11 years old this month. She’s still hanging in there and is as sweet as ever. Lucy started as a Marley type experience but has mellowed in her middle age and we really enjoy taking her camping with us. Overall, we are all healthy; enjoy raising these cool, fun kids; and look forward to the adventures ahead. We both feel blessed to get to go along the ride of life with them. We hope to see even more of you this year and look forward to our time together. God bless you and your family with great health, precious time, and a prosperous 2009!

Friends Continued

So, the difficult part about sharing your thoughts to your friends is that no matter how highly you think of them....you still have to be vulnerable! My husband laughs at me that I can hardly pronounce the word, much less live it. I must admit, I have built some pretty high walls in my life so being vulnerable takes a lot of effort. Actually, it's not the act of telling or writing to someone that I like or appreciate them that is the hard part. It's the space between them getting that information and what they do with it that's difficult. First of all, now that I write this, I can't believe the window I am allowing others to see how much I analyze my life. Whew! Growth, change....it's all good right? Anyway, when I have written my thoughts and gave it to a friend, sometimes there is silence. That's fine. I want it that way, the intention was to give with nothing in return. Yet, it's quiet. The doubts start to creep in. Are they now thinking I'm needy, stalkerish? I don't worry about this with long term friends, but I've tried to step outside the box and share my thoughts with some new pals as well. Then the other reaction is a thank you. Oh no! That's worse! I instantly get a gratification that they appreciated the gesture but then just as fast, start feeling the guilt of it's not supposed to be about me! I didn't do it to get anything in return! Who can win in that scenario? Nobody baby. I guess what I'm musing about as I do this is that it doesn't take much for me to reach out to those I like and let them know. What is more difficult, more vulnerable is to accept it back......
If I was really bold, next month I would reach out to people that are not my friends at all. No, bigger still, I would reach out to my family.

September is Friend Month!

Ok, so September is the month that I get to tell friends how much I appreciate them. Easy right? Eh, not as much as I thought. I thought it would be a piece of cake because, let's be honest...it's what I'm good at. Let me start at the beginning....as a child, an only child that moved around a lot, I did not have a close friend. I had friends along the way, but not that special friend that I watch my own daughter search for now. I tell her all the time, "What do you mean, you have tons of friends!" But I know exactly what king of security she is hunting for. I finally found Tammy Birdwell in 3rd grade but alas, we moved AGAIN in 5th grade and things got more difficult from there. By the time I was in 7th grade, I had been in 7 schools. I had some friends in high school, but I lacked that key factor of trust. Looking back, I have always treasured the real thing...no wonder I didn't trust anyone, we were all trying to be someone else! After I got married at the ripe old age of 21, I started finding some real life long friends. I realized early in my marriage that as close as we were, he could only take so much of my deep talk. Since then, I have made some fabulous friendships and made my life and marriage well rounded at the same time.
I guess my problem with the friendships that I have made is that we can never stay in the same town. Maybe it is the American 20-30 year-old way, but I have grabbed on to some spectacular friendships, only for them to become some absolutely wonderful long distance friendships. Don't get me wrong, I still have some fantastic local friendships that I am tremendously thankful for, and they are building stronger as we speak. It's just funny that the absolute closest ones are the ones that change. Why does that happen? Why is holding on to them so important to me? I guess somewhere along the way, I learned that other women are not always the enemy, but the ones that share a common story, heartbreak, life struggle, sense of humor. I started out this life, first liking only animals, then liking only boys, and finally finding that my sisters could be the nicest surprise that I find in life. What is so hard about thanking them for that....well, that will have to wait until next time cause we are out of time.