Back to Work

I started this post back in May but didn't get a chance to finish it and then forgot about it.....

So tomorrow is the first day of a new job that requires 5 days a week for 40 hours. Did I mention that it is the first job in 8 years? Eight. Ocho. Friends and family ask me....are you excited? At first I said yes. Then I just started saying no. Honestly, it is too complicated to even describe. Is this the job that I've always dreamed about? No. But, it's a job that allows me to drop my kids off at school and pick them up when I am off. It's a job that allows me to keep the pulse of what is gonig on in their life. I can't even actually believe how I got here. I was the woman that planned to go right back to work after I had Makenna. The joke around the office was that when I had her on Saturday, they expected me to try to come back the next Monday. Hey, I loved work. It was the place where I received all the accolades and praise. How much praise do I get these days? Nada. So I shouldn't I be happy to be back? Sure! Kids.....I don't think I ever knew how much they truely get into your fiber of being. I was the woman that was all wrapped up in work and then became this servant to two little narcisistic people that half the time make me want to rip my head off. Yet.....I long to place their needs before mine. I feel this tearing of my being in which part of me wants to please myself....to have drive and work toward my hearts desire. The other part of me wants to give THAT idea back to the feminist part of me and soak them up every single day because the time is so short. In the end, I'm sure that I'll juggle and make whatever comes our way work. I'll start off now and will push forward until it doesn't work any more. Sooooo need to work on the black and white thinking!