The Complaing Month Comes to a Close

Whew, I am afraid month number one is almost over and not very successful on all levels. Instead of repeating myself about how hard it is to determine complaints, fix complaints and be aware of complaints, I will make a wish list for what I'd like to keep in mind for the future months of 2008. I want to remain present, to try to think about what I say before I say it. My mom always tried to teach me that and despite being a slow ex-southerner, words still come out without thinking it through. I want to try to notice that I search for connection. Therefore, I let intimate feelings about children, spouse, teachers, etc out to my friends. Is it productive? At times I think so, but often it seems like venting becomes just a habit and something to talk about. Sure, it reinforces my thoughts and then allows others to agree, disagree, and connect. But, Yikes, how often do I instead tell the people I care about how I feel about them....instead of sharing how I feel about someone else?

I liked the last post reply from Megan. I am yet to get to this verse in my bible reading for the year but I like it. Megan wrote from Romans Chapter 7:20 - I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. vs. 21 So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ my Lord. And then chpt 8 starts out with:Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
This reminds me that what I try to humanly do in this instance is impossible because I am just that, human. I can tell you first hand, that I felt very helpless in this task at times! I am left to pray for strength and awareness on a daily basis. February is no alcohol. Should be easy....I've had two children for goodness sake. Something tells me though, considering the stress I am going through at this time, I will wish for an escape.....which is why I take on the challenge. At the end of this year I am left with my word, and I will accomplish at least this month in my resolutions.

Ah, Complaining...the bane of my existence

So, days have ticked by and complaints have danced around my lips and swirled in my head so many times I've lost count. I have two young children, a husband, a small community and 10 pounds to loose....a saint would have a hard time without popping off a little something here and there! I've had look closely at why I chose this for my first month of resolutions. What was my point. I come up with two things, really. First, I do hate mindless, do nothing complaints. That's why when I read a Martha Beck article about trying to stifle the complaints to create more action, I jumped on it. I must say that when a school issue came up last week, instead of just discussing what I didn't like about it, I also wrote some letters, went to a meeting, got some people stirred up. Went out of the box a little. Mission accomplished in that way I think. On the other hand, I also picked this topic first because I thought it would make me more mindful. I find myself wishing to be more mindful and aware all of the time. I can compare it to my spiritual life most of all. A couple of days can go by and I forget all about that I'm supposed to be having this daily conversation with God. This exercise has not really helped me be more mindful at all times though. I can be for a moment. Like, ok, here comes a neighbor...make sure you are complaint and gossip free. Very good. But an hour later....bam! And then again, what is a complaint? Is pointing out that I hate clutter in my kids room a complaint? What about, my husband made me so upset today...and then spew the details out to a friend? I feel like I teeter on the higher side of positive for the most part..so am I being too critical of myself? Wouldn't be the first time, my friend. So far, I feel like the hardest part is to be present, to catch my thoughts before they become words. Will keep trying though.....

Month One - No Complaining, Gossip or Judgement

Ok, starting my year of monthly resolutions, January is going to be one that I work on cutting out complaining. It seems easier to start with considering it's my birthday month. Sugar, alcohol, TV, could all be deemed too difficult to keep in a birthday month. However, complaining isn't that easy because it rolls off the tongue before you realize it. So far I have to keep reminding myself to be mindful of what I say. I'm not a huge complainer I don't think so I am going to add gossip and judgement to the list as well. This process is supposed to hurt a little and create change. I've already broken the gossip rule but that is before I added it so I'll start now. Should be interesting.......

Later: I just got home from a friends and I gossiped and complained! How arduous! How serious am I about this? Very, I would hope...yet, how quickly I fail. The reason I want to do this particular test is about an article I read about if you cease complaining, you make change instead. If I don't say that my children are picky eaters, I try to find ways to change the behavior. The friends that I talk to though feel the need to say...when you talk to me, you are just venting, just having a sounding board. They want to validate the conversations we have. True, yet is it a help to be validated or a hindrance? So many of us put in a thought or omission to our friends and they back us up or compare our lives to others. The help? Makes us feel normal, validated. The harm? Just one more notch toward being catty, justified in being judgemental. I say if it makes you feel a little gross after, then it's not cool. I've had anxiety problems, I know the consequence of holding it in, believe me. But there is a fine line, I believe. Not to mention, the husband, who is totally against, emotion, reflection and the like, thought we were nuts talking about parents, other friend relationships, children and the like. Trust me, several years ago I would have gagged also. I sit here living the life that I dreaded with all of my might. Reflection and talking is the only thing that gets me through, for sure. I just long to do it with integrity and not have the feeling of being like a clucking hen when I'm done. I resolve to do better tomorrow......