Friends Continued

So, the difficult part about sharing your thoughts to your friends is that no matter how highly you think of them....you still have to be vulnerable! My husband laughs at me that I can hardly pronounce the word, much less live it. I must admit, I have built some pretty high walls in my life so being vulnerable takes a lot of effort. Actually, it's not the act of telling or writing to someone that I like or appreciate them that is the hard part. It's the space between them getting that information and what they do with it that's difficult. First of all, now that I write this, I can't believe the window I am allowing others to see how much I analyze my life. Whew! Growth, change....it's all good right? Anyway, when I have written my thoughts and gave it to a friend, sometimes there is silence. That's fine. I want it that way, the intention was to give with nothing in return. Yet, it's quiet. The doubts start to creep in. Are they now thinking I'm needy, stalkerish? I don't worry about this with long term friends, but I've tried to step outside the box and share my thoughts with some new pals as well. Then the other reaction is a thank you. Oh no! That's worse! I instantly get a gratification that they appreciated the gesture but then just as fast, start feeling the guilt of it's not supposed to be about me! I didn't do it to get anything in return! Who can win in that scenario? Nobody baby. I guess what I'm musing about as I do this is that it doesn't take much for me to reach out to those I like and let them know. What is more difficult, more vulnerable is to accept it back......
If I was really bold, next month I would reach out to people that are not my friends at all. No, bigger still, I would reach out to my family.